Creating healthy boundaries is a challenge for most people in relationship. Most of us fall into one of two categories. Some of us have weak undefined or non-enforced boundaries that do not hold up. Weak boundaries allow one to be flexible but at the cost of personal integrity. Others have rigid aggressive boundaries which are restrictive and cause each person in the relationship to live a constricted life.
It is also common that people with unhealthy boundaries bounce back and forth between weak to rigid boundaries. So, on one end of the unhealthy boundary spectrum, we have neglectful boundaries, which can result in a partner believing that they are unloved because there is a feeling of un-safety or neglect in the relationship. Typically partners that feel neglected, exit the relationship through by becoming focused on interests such as career, sports, parenting, substance abuse and infidelity. On the other end of the spectrum, are controlling boundaries, that cause both partners to constrict and loose intimacy and connection. Controlling boundaries do not give room for personal integrity and cause the miss-trust in the relationship.
Those that cope by controlling, set up boundaries that are painful and hurtful and ultimately isolate their spouse from the outside world thereby limiting their potential. Rigid boundaries, taken to far, result in a relationship with one partner that is controlling and dominant while the other partner is passive and submissive; leaving both in isolation.
Developing Healthy boundaries
It is helpful to understand that the creation of healthy boundaries is a work in progress and there will be times in the relationship to loosen or tighten the boundaries. The main thing is to continue to communicate and share with your partner if you are feeling unloved or smothered by the boundaries and know that you are as an important part of the equation in the creation of boundaries as your partner. Meaningful and productive communication on this issue is what creates a new understanding which can shift the boundaries to improve the Connection in the relationship.
If your relationship could use some support or guidance in the creation and implementation of healthy boundaries, please contact Isaiah Hulme +1 (916)-743-6698 to discuss the possibility of setting up an appointment in Roseville.